afraid of heights

oh hai?

2009-08-18T21:41:00.002-04:00

so it's been a little while since i've been on here. and things have happened. lots of them.
i promise to blog in full tomorrow when i'm not feeling this appallingly bad. scout's honor!

NMM: Something resembling early Edition.

2009-06-29T09:42:00.002-04:00

Since last week was approaching epic-bad proportions, there were several things that i made DARN sure to stay away from this week.
For example, G and i didn't get a little sloshed early last week and decide that oatmeal raisin cookies were required. Right then. I'm apparently now on the way to becoming a functioning alcoholic.
I also have not killed nearly the whole batch singlehandedly, because of course, i know after two months i am totally welcome to eat the food in here, and G is not my ex, and won't get mad at me for no reason.
Some night, a few days ago, i did not FREAK the F*CK OUT because i felt something crawling on me and it turned out to be a roach (CAN YOU BLAME ME?!). Living on a lake, hoo-freaking-ray.
My car did not completely and utterly DIE on me on Thursday. Really, it didn't. And i haven't been stranded in G's apartment since. Stranded is a bit harsh, cos i like it here, but i also haven't left the house since then except to go to the grocery, and might be starting to get a little claustrophobic. Just sayin'.
I also have not been avoiding the scale like the plague because i'm pretty sure i gained the last three pounds back by not really watching what i eat lately.

However, i did manage a few things:
Like talking to my mum again after a few bad days. Oh well.
Made some excellent rice pudding, one batch a little runny, one more solid and, y'know, pudding-y.
Sample poutin for the first time (not recommended if you intend to live past 30).
Have a good chat or two about the nebulous future and our even more nebulous plans.
Realize that i need more people in my life who will love me and support me for being just me, and that i don't have to feel ashamed for it.
Come to several, private, conclusions about life and family in general that made me a bit sad, but should be healthy in the long run. I SAID SHOULD!
Write out a fairly epic to-do list of things i want to get done today. And not get started on it, even though it's going to take forever.

Baby steps, y'know?

FML, or, more reasons to hate my ex.

2009-06-25T13:17:00.003-04:00

In a totally predictable move, my ex is asking for money. Now, before you read this, know that i'm actually not mad, i'm just really, really tired of the BS. To which the worst part is that it's just beginning.
Yesterday, i got an email from my lawyer asking me to come in. The tone of the email, just a line, i knew something was up. Today, i came strolling in, and found a letter in which my ex is asking for $84k, $12k, and/or $520. The 12 is a part of the 84, so he won't get both of those sums. I'm not really sure how much i will wind up paying, or to whom at this point. To fight it, i have to go to court, which i was not expecting at the get-go, which is going to mean money. That i don't have. Kind of like paying him is going to require large sums of money. Oh. That i don't have. Before, it was speculation. Now it's a fact. He is asking for cash, and i am going to have to pay some of it. I asked my lawyer to negotiate it out, see if he'll take 13k and leave it be, but i have little to no hope of that working out. Nevermind figuring out how i will pay this. But it's better than going to court. Probably, anyway. Or not.

F my life is an understatement right now.
PS--old joke: Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's WORTH it.

NMM: Seriously Late Edition

2009-06-22T21:55:00.003-04:00

It's still technically Monday, so it's still good. Don't judge me.

This last week, and last few days in general, i did not:
Get into some small hissy fit with my boyfriend, and wind up storming out of the apartment to cool off.
Which did not lead to some intense conversation that... anyway.
I did not slack off horribly on getting any work done, and of course finished my website and all my finals on time.
Not to mention that i was a good girl at work, didn't bitch, or try to leave early, or even blow my back out by reaching and stretching too far for two days. Because i've been doing this for over a year now, and i know better than all of those things. Especially the last.
I also didn't blow my promise to myself that I would stop chewing my nails and bite them ALL off. Again. I would never!!
There was no weight gain of over a pound this week. Really. Truly. Didn't happen.
I haven't been sleeping poorly and avoiding my family either. Or spending time with the boyfriend's family instead because i actually like them, they're nice to me, and they encourage said boy to not f*ck things up with me. Which makes me obscenely happy.
I've not been sitting here for days agonizing over what class to drop in three weeks, because i can't handle five classes (17 hours!!). Maybe i can, but i am SO not willing to try.

I do however, have a huge headache which is making me photosensitive, so i AM going to bed. But other than that, this week has not been bad at all.

for anyone who stumbled on the blog yesterday, or even earlier today, and saw a post that is no longer there, know that you're not crazy.

2009-06-22T10:40:00.001-04:00

i moved the post. it was a little too open, a little too emotional. it's been reposted in the LJ, and private-ized, cos i don't know what else to do with it. sorreh?

omg, ew.

2009-06-17T16:38:00.000-04:00

i just googled my ex. why would i do that?

WHY?!

NMM: Atlanta weekend edition

2009-06-15T19:44:00.002-04:00

This weekend we did go to Atlanta. While there, a few things didn't happen:
Namely going to the High Museum. Because my boyfriend is, of course, mature, giving, definitely didn't decide to get all snippy, and didn't pitch a small fit about getting a pork in the oven. And me being all mature as well, i didn't go all cold on him for not doing the one thing i wanted to do this weekend. Of course not, why would i do that?
Also, we went and walked around pretty places, full of pretty people, and took lots of pictures. Really. Cos that was totally supposed to happen, so it did. Actually, that one was fine. But we did it, of course, so it got mentioned.
We didn't have the worst sushi in the world at a place that was supposed to be really good. With something resembling the worst service in the world to boot. Yugh. Cos, really, when you walk into a place pumping Japanese techno at full volume with at least two tables full of folks who are definitely "tools," and it takes forever to get a cup of water, you should know better and walk out, and that's what we did.
Because we were out of town, and i'm such a good girl (who might be on academic probation), i totally did my homework. Totally. Yes. And my website that's due tomorrow is TOTALLY done. Totally.

However, we did actually have a good time, and there's a few things that truly did happen:
I lost another pound over the week. Hooray.
Got to take a roadie with G! Which is just freaking awesome. Cos a five hour drive on your own blows.
Seeing L & B again was amazing. It's been just over a month from the last time, and that's awesome.
We spent some time watching Chuck. Which just always is a good time. Or awesome.
We actually did manage to go walk around a few places. That were way too hipster for us to be there. I didn't have enough tattoos to cover us all to be able to fit in there. Lame!
Found an awesome pub in ATL that served goat cheese fritters!! GOAT CHEESE!
Discovered why exactly Farmer's Markets are incredible. Cheap spices, TONS of fish, meat, and OMG cheese. I could drool just thinking about that alone.

i didn't do it! weekend edition

2009-06-08T18:23:00.006-04:00

I'm calling uploading photos "i didn't do it," because usually when someone asks what i'm doing, i say that phrase. Especially when there's a camera involved. So, IDDI for short... A few quick selections, mostly from this weekend in one way or another.

From the photo trip that never happened in Jax, we were at my school and found this on the sidewalk. In chalk. Oh, good god. I claim no credit except catching it on my phone.

Don't anyone tell him this picture is on here, or there might be blood. Namely, mine. It's a G and a kitteh!

Finally, sleepy kitty claims papers. We should start calling them "Benpers" Or something like that.

This concludes IDDI. Which will probably posted on Tuesdays from now on. :)

NMM: epic weekend edition

2009-06-08T14:12:00.004-04:00

Did not have an epic weekend with Brina and G. Really. Truly! While we actually didn't get to take any pictures of Jax (damn you, RAIN!!!) this weekend, there is always next time. And we didn't plan the whole "meeting in Jax at a random gallery" thing very badly, forget to exchange phone numbers with Brina, and did not nearly melt and die in the stupid gallery when it was booked full of people around 8.30 at night on a Friday. Who'd'a thought?
Since Brina (didn't) already blog about how we didn't gorge ourselves silly on Saturday, i might feel compelled to do so.
So, instead, i will mention that i didn't wake her up Saturday morning with my calf locking down so hard i nearly cried, and how i still feel bad for that.
I didn't forget my camera in the car for nearly the whole weekend while Brina was here, so of course, i have a bunch of pictures of us..... i wish.
Also, even though i didn't completely stray off the food i'm supposed to be eating, cos i'm responsible, somehow, i didn't lose another pound over the weekend. Which is weird, but i'm not complaining. At all.
However, i am eagerly waiting for the ink we got over the weekend to heal, and Brina to come back. Not necessarily in that order, and preferably both of those to happen soon. My arms itch where they were shaved for the inkage. Yeesh!

As promised!

2009-06-05T11:18:00.002-04:00

This is the gift i finally managed to get ahold of for the G. When i went to ATL (what was that, like a month ago?!), L&B took me to an awesome pub across from a cemetery, and that place was awesome. Knowing that G is a bit of a beer snob, i took pictures of the pub, because they had beercans lining the rafters, and the sign above on one of the walls. I sent said pictures to G, and got the response back "please, please steal that sign for me." It cracked me up so much, i went hunting for the stupid sign. I found it three weeks ago or so, but the transaction fell through when the person couldn't get their shiz together, so i've been looking for another for weeks. Finally, i found it on Monday, and bought it. It got in yesterday, and G finally got it :) Bit late, but better than never. Pleased to say that he likes it a lot, therefore i did good! Hehe, not a stripper pole, but nearly as good.
So, yes, this is it. Stupid thing is huge, a foot tall and nearly three long, but it's tin, and done by hand, very nice looking :) Hooray, beer!

sooooo freaking excited!

2009-06-04T10:27:00.003-04:00

Something came in the mail today that i've seriously been waiting a month to get. It's not even for me, it's for G, and that makes it all the more irritating. It doesn't mean the same thing now that it did then. Oh well, he'll still like it. Pictures after he gets it, the internet has a tendency to ruin surprises.
Stepped on the scale this morning. I AM DOWN 3LBS!! I'm now at 198! Honestly, this is making me a little buggy about starting back at karate, because i know the first thing i'll do is pack on a little poundage as i build muscle (last time i gained roughly 5-8lbs after only a 2lb drop, but i was *firm* under the pudge). And yes, i know weight is just a number, but it means a lot. There's an old, really long, drawn out post about weight and what it means to me in the old LJ (which we are not posting here, that mess is PRIVATE! in a big, bad way, sorry). I want to be healthy, and weight is a part of that. My family has weight related health-issues, so it's important to track that number. Also, after being slender for most of my life, it's still interesting to look down and have body fat. I will never be skinny, i have honest-to-god big bones, and they are heavy and thick. I'm actually proud of that, i don't want to be a twig, and with my bone build, there is no way i will ever be anything other than thick but shapely. More important than that, though, is that at fighting weight, i will be able to climb a flight of stairs and not be out of breath. Which, granted, hasn't happened since i was 230+, but you get the point.
ANYWAY! Tomorrow! Brini will be here, for which i am just stoked out of my head about. Tomorrow is also a gallery show that my photog friend, P, will be displayed at! Which is just... so freaking cool i might die of happy for him. Saturday is an ink morning, followed by a photo-day, and homecooked meal, courtesy of my boy, at night! We're gonna have to figure out something for Sunday, hehe. Sooooooo excited, if you couldn't tell :)
Anyway, must go clean, and check on things, and not explode of happy or hyper.
OH! And i would just like to mention that yesterday should have been my 3-year wedding anniversary. It was celebrated by planning a weekend trip, feeling happy, safe, and adored. With someone who is not my soon-to-be-ex. Hooray. In two days, it will be further celebrated with the addition of doves tattooed on my arms, pointing to my heart, as a reminder to be at peace. Oh, and i totally got myself flowers, too. Not tulips, cos even though they're my favorite, that's something he would have done, and right now, i'm all about the new. Out with the old, babee!!

Love to all, and to all a good day :)

not me monday; there's always a first edition

2009-06-01T12:56:00.002-04:00

Since Brina's NMM's always make me snorfle with glee, i figure it's about time to start not doing them myself. So for the first NMM ever, here's a recap of my week.
I did not sleep in past the start of my Tuesday class last week, so am now not three weeeks behind. Because that class isn't boring as all get out, and i'm such a motivated student anyway. Of course i wouldn't do that.
I did not, and am continuing to not, procrastinate all my homework until there is no shot of getting it done on time, much less having it look good by the time it's due. When you're a responsible, working member of adult society, you just don't do things like that. Of course, i also didn't come up with every reason in the book as an excuse for my laziness, too.
I didn't refuse to have several overly-personal conversations with my mum, and didn't nearly bite her head off when she started grilling me about the next tattoos i'm getting. I also didn't forget to call my grandfather for nearly a week after he had two surgeries.
I have not started counting down, nearly hours now, to when Brina comes to visit, and have not been planning frantically how to entertain her while in my city. Cos there's really nothing to do here, not that much pretty without a long drive, and i'm really bad about being attached at the hip when i have a weekend off. But i'm crafty and determined, so something good will happen. Did i mention that i'm not good at being overly confident? Heh.
I might not have lost my thumb drive, but i'd really like it back from the sock monster, or whoever is borrowing it atm.
When i got potentially bad news from my lawyer last week, i didn't flip my lid, cry, or spend an entire day ranting and raving. Have i mentioned how i'm so productive and motivated?
I also didn't spend a few days baking up a small storm, and eat raw cookie dough (FROM SCRATCH!!), which did not lead to gaining half a pound back.
That? Was totally not me.

On the flip side, i did:
Remember how to bake, and that i enjoy it. Baking isn't just for Suzie Homemaker, dammit.
Make progress with a tummult of new emotions and feelings.
Commit to calling my physical therapist to make sure my knee isn't bjorked beyond belief.
Set a date to get back to JAMA and get my lazy ass back in shape.
Talk to my grandfather and set a date to visit him in Michigan. Must remember to find Russian classes in this area, i'm rusty, and when he *does* pass, there will be no one left to help me remember.
Get my computer restored, and have it now work better than ever. Hooray.
Have an awesome talk with G that has left me feeling better than ever about who i am right now.
Make it through an entire work weekend without bitching, or hurting myself. And i got paid!

So, hooray!

last night,

2009-05-28T11:38:00.002-04:00

After finally falling asleep somewhere around 1.30 am, i got a text from my photog buddy, P, at something resembling 3am, all because i had sent him a message earlier that evening. Instead of being calm, rational, and asleep, i decide to get slightly irate (he knows that with school i don't stay up late any more), wake up, and respond to him in the most snippy ways possible. Which is just bad for me, because then i feel bad, and we wind up being awake for a long time. The punch line is that i'm now sleep f*cked, yet again, and it made me bold enough to actually upload the picture i had of G onto my Facebook (he doesn't like his picture taken, for starters; the more important part is that certain people will now know about a guy being in my life, to whatever extent, and it might get back to my ex. which, in some scenarios, might be bad).
Anyway, i've now gone and done four other things, and entirely forgotten the point of this posting. So there.

Now, to go see my attorney and sign some papers!

today, i feel

2009-05-27T12:34:00.001-04:00

Like a fish out of water. I might have jumped out of it on my own, but that's not stopping me from desperately wanting to flop right back in. To the water, i mean.

Making sense is for pansies anyway.

vacation, indeed!

2009-05-26T14:53:00.003-04:00

While every original plan we made fell through (hell, even the last attempt we made at planning fell apart. we seem to suck at this, haha), G and i did spend Memorial Weekend together. He turned off the work phone, i turned my cell to vibrate, and with the exception of my best friend S (and his friend A), we talked to no one and did nearly nothing all weekend. Just shy of bliss, we spent basically four days sleeping when we wanted, talking a lot, cooking, and deciding to start a cooking website. I took him to my sushi place, we found an awesome fish monger (with sushi grade Ahi Tuna!!), discovered that i can indeed bake, and found that phenomenally good days can be followed by phenomenally bad-ish ones. We found mutual friends, mutual likes (and dislikes!), new shows, and new flavors. Even though we didn't really go anywhere except the sushi place in Riverside, the TownCenter for some shopping, and his dad's house for a bbq yesterday, i can't remember too many more weekends i've spent where i came out happy like this at the end, even when hundreds of dollars were involved.
Even though it's time to get back to reality now, today, tonight, tomorrow, i'm calm and relaxed. The people in my life are finally a positive influence for me, and i don't feel depressed. So here's to this weekend, to not doing anything exciting, but being relaxed. Here's to going back to work so my poor bank account can have some cash in it (and my savings can get replenished!), and the weekend after that when i get to see Brini, get new ink, andcook some vegetarian foodstuffs with G for her! Hooray!

Let's all raise a glass and cheer. Cheers!

Food Blog

2009-05-23T19:21:00.000-04:00

Possibly coming soon to the internets near you. Photos will be by me, obviously, and food will likely be mostly by G. No guarantees, though. Any thoughts?

vacation mode!

2009-05-22T17:38:00.001-04:00

Ready? Set? GO!
That means i will be on here, and Tumblr, of course, a bit, but hopefully not as much, as G and i attempt to figure out things to do around here to entertain ourselves. Things that don't involve sitting for two hours, haha.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend?

Lemon Curd Take II

2009-05-22T10:33:00.002-04:00

As these things go, it came out WAY teh f*ck better than the first time. G said it was very nearly restaurant quality, which was pretty much the last good thing to happen yesterday. Somehow or another, we got talked into dinner with my folks, followed quickly by us making and bringing all the food for said event. Which means G came home and cooked for several hours on end, then had to go entertain, and with no booze, haha. My darling mother was apparently shooting dirty looks behind my back, something i always thought she did but had no confirmation of, and my dad tried to give G a job interview on the spot, which was also embarrassing, though mostly for him, because it was rude and out of line to do that in front of everybody. My brother was horribly rude the entire night, barely said anything at all, which didn't matter, but the clencher to me was, and is, that my mom is demanding to know how G's phone interview today goes. Like, she really expects an answer, in a big, bad way. She's not going to get one, we're not going back over there for as long as i can freaking help it. Oh, and i realized i'm not really welcome in my own house. So basically yesterday sucked, not as much as the day before, but still. I am really, really angry, frustrated, and upset with the whole thing.

Just shoot me.

yeah....

2009-05-21T14:00:00.001-04:00

There's a post in the ole LJ of a more private nature. Pls to go read if you're interested and have the proper permissions ;)

i can haz panic!

2009-05-20T13:35:00.001-04:00

My ex just called me. Like on my phone. After i went through the time (and now money, wtf!) to change my number for the express purpose of him not having my number, he has it. And called me. And left me a darling message about how he's going to call me again.

today=EPIC suck

i can haz panic?

2009-05-20T08:55:00.003-04:00

I am totally wigging out right now. I still have to create logos to put in posters due this afternoon and figure out if it's worth it to go print at Kinko's, or school-laser-jet quality will be enough. Not only am i at a complete loss about that, i'm in a bit of a panic about it, and it's starting to paralyze me. Which sucks when i still have to finish logos and put together a whole 'nother poster. Oh, and go through G's junk to find the scanner he claimed he had but forgot to dig out for me. *sigh* Not to mention that my laptop keeps lagging out, it's raining like all hell, i drugged myself to sleep last night (which means i am SO not all here today), and am whining about nearly EVERYTHING today, which is just pissing me the f*ck off.
Oh! Last night was lovely though! There's a "Mock Poker Night" at the school where you learn to be a card dealer every six weeks, and at this point it's invitation only (don't we sound fancy when we say that?). I dragged G along (not by the hair or anything, though!), met my best friend S there, and ran into some other people i haven't seen in a while, including my old boss. Lost the main event tournament, but won the first turbo tourney. I don't have the patience to sit and play cards, but am extremely lucky. It balances out more often than not, and i usually do well at the MPN. My girl S did make it to the final table at the main event, but G and i booked out of there after my tourney was over, so i don't know how she finished. Must remember to ask.
In final news, my back hates me. On the drive back from MPN last night, it started spasming on the right side, all the way from my tailbone to my waist. It's a new, fun, exciting thing it's never done before, and i just adore it beyond words. The night before, i was also in a ton of pain, but that had been on the left side of my low back. Remind me not to get my lower back tattooed, like ever. No offense or anything, i just have a sneaking suspicion that it would send me into convulsions is all. And y'know, convulsions in yer back are bad, mm'kay?

Now for some painkillers, rebooting the laptop, finding grub, and braving the damn weather to go print things!

tumblr

2009-05-19T11:36:00.002-04:00

So i might be slightly addicted. Check me out, cos i do know the way!

http://www.ailina.tumblr.com

LEMON CURD

2009-05-19T09:43:00.004-04:00

OMFG, SUGAR+LEMON=WIN! Srsly, i am so freaking happy. The ex wasn't too into... uh, anything but meat and potatoes, really, so i got out of the habit of baking. Last night was my first attempt in four years. I love to freaking bake, like there is no tomorrow. Before i stopped, bread had been on the agenda, but i might not have the patience for that anymore. Oh well. It came out well, i made pastries, and am totally on the hunt for a good recipe for Petite Madelines, which are just incredible if you make them right. Of course, that means i have to find madeline pans somewhere in this blasted city.

Good luck with that, i can't even find a medium size strainer. They only come in extra-fine, or colander. F*ck that!

told

2009-05-17T13:27:00.001-04:00

My mum just told me that my biggest problem has always been that i don't love myself enough. Well, thanks, lady who always undercut me and made me feel a bit worthless at some of the most random, insecure moments of my life. Really, thanks.

But i love me now, dammit!

school and such

2009-05-17T10:49:00.003-04:00

Don't tell anyone i said this, but i'm kind of thinking halfheartedly that i want to stop going to school. I don't know if it's just the stress (very likely), the workload (also likely), or the part where i just can't focus on the assignments they give us, but i'm starting to not like it there. At this point, i'm tired, bored, and irritated with them nearly constantly (them being school/teachers) and really can't help feeling like it's just a huge waste of my time and money to be there. This probably stems from having to take an "intermediate scripting" class that is simply an exercise in writing CSS, which they could have taught in "Intro to Scripting" and done away with a useless class. I'm taking the same class twice for all intents and purposes, with no real purpose.
When it comes time to actually do homework, i become listless and lethargic (by the way, hanging out with G is starting to make me stretch my vocabulary again since i don't have the patience to read for once in my life). I don't feel that the quality of work i am producing is up to my own standards, which is pissing me off.
There's also the very real likelihood that i am about to graduate in a year and it's freaking me the f*ck out. That means there will be no more excuses, cop-outs, or extensions. It'll be real world time, time to grow up, grow out. Maybe that's the real problem with school, college, life in general. You're told that you have to go to college, have to graduate, get a degree, go work in that field after. But there are tons of people who don't go to college, don't get a degree. Especially in my field. If you have the talent, you don't necessarily need the paper. You just have to be able to show that you can, in fact, do what you claim you can do. Which is why this world has portfolios. Why it's kind of sad that i don't have one yet (thanks for all the fish, to my douchebag of an ex), and kind of alarming too.
This late in the game, i still don't feel that i'm putting my best foot forward, beginning to shine, anything. My school is so saturated with people now, talented people, that it's hard to not feel like i've missed my chance to be special.

The fact of the matter is, i'm scared, and a little lost.

i can haz followers!

2009-05-14T20:49:00.002-04:00

Yay! Thanks to Boobs, i now haz TWO followers! Loves!
Anyway, the other night. So a few days ago, G starts taking his car apart to fix something or another. When he put it back together, the stupid thing doesn't work. I've been either driving him around or letting him use my car all week, which is totally fine, but also means we've seen each other every day this week. Not a problem, but a little intense. In a good way. So two days ago, his car isn't working, and he has agreed to go to a cooking-event-thing with his dad and stepmom. I wind up driving him there, since it's on my way back home anyway. We're driving and can't find the place, so he calls his dad; dad finds out that i am driving, meaning i am there, meaning i will be there. Invites me to stay, and come to the cooking event. It takes the two of us a few minutes to decide that we're okay with me meeting the parents, and i decide to come along. G's stepmom, dad, and youngest stepsister are there, and we meet a mother with two teenage daughters, another woman, and the two female chefs who run the joint. Now, this place is incredible. If you've ever heard of Super Suppers, this place does it better. You come inside, there's vino, four chef's blocks pushed together to make two huge tables, a nice gas top, industrial sinks, and a ton of utensils, and food. Oh my god the food. This woman is a classically trained chef, she went to school in St. Auggy somewhere, and she's very good. That night, she called it French Night. We were cooking French cuisine with very few substitutes (she hates white pepper with a passion, for instance). After she invites us all to a glass of wine, she starts talking about the food we're going to be making (and later eating, thank god, i was SO damn hungry!). Fish, cheese pastry, dessert, lemon curd, green beans. Oh good god. G, his dad, and i all wind up in a group working on making cheese pastry puffy things. I have no idea what they were, but they were really fun to make, and even better when we ate them. I got to make these incredible, simple, heart-attack-in-the-oven-but-ohmygod-they're-yummy pastries with his mom. I love to bake, love the process. They had even created a balsalmic from scratch for us. It was all, so, SO damn good when we finally sat down and ate it all. And the chef! I know i said it, but she really is amazing. She sat down and talked knives with G for half an hour, showed him all of her knives. If you didn't understand something, didn't know what something was, found something interesting, *anything!* she just sat down and talked with you about it. I never once felt like she was talking down to me or talking at me (both of these things drive me nuts just beyond words). It took three hours total, and was one of the most pleasant three hours i've spent in a while in one room with people i don't know.
After, i had to go take cat food to my mom before heading back to G's, so he got to meet her. It was a nonevent. It was around 9.30, my brother had given himself roadrash and was crying instead of going to bed (he's 10). They met, she introduced herself as "the witch." No, i'm not kidding.
The other part of this, the destroying typefaces. It was a class project, my teacher made me do it! I will post pictures of the finished product next week after i turn the mess in. Also, i have a brochure to post online, but it's a front/back deal, and i'm not sure how to post that so it comes across right. No worries, i'll figure it out.
In a last bit of news, i just got an email from my ex. He claims that when he moves, he is not taking any of the art i made for him, with him. He doesn't want to have to explain to a girl he brings over that his ex-wife made it for him. He feels that the only appropriate course of action here is to return it to me. Oh, and email me again. The email can be found on the LJ, along with my thoughts on that. Tomorrow. Cos i've had to take a Xanax to calm the fuck down, it made me so mad what he said.

On that note, peace out?

blonde ambition

2009-05-13T14:31:00.002-04:00

Went and had my hair did yesterday. Am now very blonde. Oh well. Met his parents yesterday. And he met my mom. At least there was good food involved.

Back to playing with paper and destroying typefaces for no reason, more later.

not gonna lie

2009-05-12T16:30:00.001-04:00

That i'm seriously a little humiliated in more ways than one right now. Don't even wanna talk about it.

the thing is

2009-05-11T16:02:00.003-04:00

Here's the thing. There's nothing to do for it, i'm going to actually blog about it. I HATE not knowing, not being in control. I've been talking to him all day, on and off. Just like every other day, except for the ones where one or both of us is too busy or uninterested in talking (they tend to coincide, however odd that is). The other day, i was talking to a friend of mine, CB, on Facebook. In an email CB sent me, he told me that he'd been talking to a girl he knows and told that girl that a friend of his was getting a divorce and was now hitting on him and trying to hook up with him. Well the girl, K, i happen to know, and she assumed it was me. Which CB decided to tell me. Now i still find this funny (not the haha variety), and told G about it (G knows both CB and K as well). G's response? That he hasn't told anyone about me except his dad, and our friends in Atlanta. And that his dad only knows that he's seeing a girl, and our friends in Atlanta know at most what i've told them, because G claims to not be telling them anything at all about us. I understand keeping it on the down-lo, because, let's face it, i'm not legally 100% single yet (separated but not divorced yet), and while the ex can't do anything to me, it's not smart to advertise dating someone new. But i don't really get the level that G is at with the not-talking-about-it.

I'm done now.

no real news

2009-05-11T11:53:00.003-04:00

Except that the hole in my head hurts a little today. Which might be my own fault for scratching at it and breaking the scab. Oops. Definitely going back to Atlanta the weekend after this one. If it pans out. And if not, going to the beach. Going somewhere, dammit. Was supposed to go to a soccer tournament of my baby brother's, but i really want to get away from my family right now. And away from here. Sorry to the feint of heart, but i'm excited about this. I actually got my period on Sunday, like a girl taking b/c is supposed to. The pill used to level me out, but hasn't in four years (ironic timing, anyone?). Now that my body is adjusting back to the correct day, i feel more level on average, and i've definitely had a more mild PMS cycle than average too. So basically, i'm happy. It randomly occurs to me that i have no idea where my relationship with G is going. I hate not knowing. I hate not seeing the big picture. He's leaving, and it's only a matter of the when. We're talking about five months at the maximum, and more realistically around three. As much as i hate to admit it, it's going to hurt when he leaves. Because i do like him, and i've definitely become a little attached. Which is irritating because i wasn't planning on it (see, i don't like to lose control) in any way shape or form. Anyway, enough tangent. I'm easily distracted today.

Ooooh, look, shiny!

dissolutions and such

2009-05-07T17:26:00.002-04:00

My lawyer told me last week when she spoke to my soon-to-be-ex's attorney that they would not be fighting the dissolution of the marriage (divorce, lol) after all, and that she would call me when something came up. The something she was talking about was nothing more than receiving the papers and subsequently drawing up the paperwork right then and there to dissolve the union, unless there was something wrong. They had until May 1 to respond. According to the county's website, they responded May 4. I have not heard from my lawyer yet.

Should i be worried?

am i less than i was

2009-05-07T13:08:00.002-04:00

If this morning i had a mole above my left eyebrow. It's gone now. If i'm missing a part of myself, does that make me less than i was?

Or does that just mean i have an extra hole in my head, haha.

good news!

2009-05-06T11:49:00.003-04:00

I left my husband at 219lbs and a little change. In the first month, i dropped down to around 212, and the first bout of happy brought it right back up to 219ish. Around 3 weeks ago, it started just FALLING off me (not that i'm complaining, mind you, but pants are getting expensive!).
As of today, as of right now? I weight 199.
It's been more than 8 months since i've seen the underside of that evil 2 number in front of my weight. NEVER AGAIN, BABEE! Never again.
My mum told me something interesting yesterday; some people lose weight when stressing, some when happy.
Guess that puts me into the happy category. Also, it re-affirms that leaving the douchebag was the right thing to do.

Talk about your silver lining!

i'm such an idiot

2009-05-06T11:12:00.005-04:00

I was cold yesterday afternoon, and decided to hunker down under my blankets for some warm. I don't remember anything after that, because i woke up later that night. Y'know, at 10pm. So basically, i slept somewhere between 5-7 hours. Of course, this lead to me not being able to go back to bed last night. Until 7 this morning. Which is when i have to get up for class. So my mother, being my mother, spends half an hour trying valiantly to get my bum out of bed, sleep deprivation be damned. I finally get back to attempting to sleep around 7.30am. When my boyfriend, cute as he is, sees my status message on AIM (which reads something about insomnia, because i'm Twitter-y like that on AIM), he decides to check on me via text message. At around 10am. Now, of course this wakes me up. Of COURSE it does! Because i'm a light sleeper anyway, and i'm already all sleep fucked. He continues to text me (probably thinking i'm in class like a good girl. HA!), so i have been unable to go back to bed.
Let's do the math here. 10-7.5=2.5. That's how much sleep i've gotten.
No more naps for me during the day. Just? No.

Oh, just FML.

if i'm afraid of heights,

2009-05-05T23:25:00.000-04:00

Then why do i always seem to be on the edge of a precipice?
Just kind of waiting to fall?

Maybe i'm waiting for someone to push me...